Page 199 began early as I headed into work at 6:00 AM to get some cleaning and prep done that I hadn’t been able to get to at the end of the week.  As I cleaned bathrooms, floors, and glass doors; a weariness of spirit began to overtake me as my mind traveled through time and began to wonder what in the world am I doing with my life.  I suppose I have hit the vortex of a perfect storm scenario in my life that will require greater trust in God and the faith to keep going no matter what.  An advantage of these daily writings is they help me to process what is going on and gives me insight into the sources of turbulence in my mind.  There are probably more, but I know of at least three factors that have come together at this point in time to create this perfect storm.  Identifying them makes it easier to hand them over to God and release the pressure they place upon my mind.

I finished another book and received the first copies this past week.  As strange as it may sound, the faithful completion of a writing project has typically been followed by an emotional let-down as I’m done with the writing but don’t often see but a handful of people eager to use it.  The writing process brings about a closeness with God that never quite seems the same until He gives the next writing project.  The down time between writing projects creates an “atmospheric depression” in my mind that brings with it a chance for storms.  On its own, that event generally isn’t enough to cause a major, or long-lasting, storm but the next element of this perfect storm was the unexpected death of my niece.  The death of loved ones often makes people somewhat reflective as they consider not only the life of the deceased, but it often causes a long look at their own life.  In this case, story after story of the impact that was made on the world by one young woman gives cause for a serious look at the impact I have made and am making.  While cleaning toilets is good and important work, this introspective “atmospheric depression” raises the question of whether that’s the best use of the gifts God has put within my life.  Again, on its own, the tension between earning a living and using the unique giftings that God has put in my life can create some steady rain but is not enough for the major, long-lasting storms of life but combine the two “atmospheric depression” elements and the thunderclouds begin to stack up and darken.  As those two fronts began to collide and form into one, a reminder from the past appeared last night as the seeds for a family event in Etna Green began to take root in an online conversation.  This “atmospheric depression” was a reminder of a very successful youth ministry that I was fired from — the only time I’ve been fired from a job in my life.  While the wounds from that time period have healed to the point they’re rarely noticeable, they do still exist.  Under certain conditions, the words of an elder that I’m “too honest” and of a preacher that I “have no business being in ministry without a Bible college education” ring in my mind as clearly as if they were being said out loud again today.  As this element of the storm front combines with the other two, the winds of a perfect storm begin to swirl around me.  My mind begins to wonder, “Were they right?”  I begin to ask myself, “Am I making an eternal difference through any of the responsibilities that exist under the various hats I wear?”  I long for a closeness with God and begin to question, “Why does it seems so difficult to find people who want to use the resources that God entrusts me to write?” 

And so, a lot of words to describe the perfect storm that has been forming around me.  It seemed to reach a point of hurricane force as I spent a couple hours cleaning the building this morning.  Once the building was ready for the morning worship gathering, I headed home with the intent of changing clothes and heading back for the church service.  As I headed home, I could feel the force of this perfect storm increasing and felt an intense need to simply spend significant quiet time with God.  So, in an unusual move for me, I loaded up my kayak on a Sunday morning and headed out on the lake at Potato Creek to spend time in prayer and quietness as I spent uninterrupted time with God.  After a couple hours out on the water, I left the lake and loaded up my kayak to head home feeling that this perfect storm was beginning to pass.  In an interesting twist to this story, a heavy rain began to fall before I was even out of the park.  It rained most of the way home before slowing down and coming to an end — another reminder that while the storms, even the “perfect storms” of life may come, they too will pass as I cling firmly to a faith in Jesus Christ.

I pray that you and I would be aware of the things which have a tendency to bring storm clouds into our lives.  I pray that we would not only be aware of such things, but that we would also learn to turn them over to God and trust Him to deal with them according to His wisdom.  I pray that we cling to God and trust Him whether He chooses to calm the storms with His Word or decides to carry us through the storm. 

Page 198 has been a day of ups and downs as my mind has had a difficult time slowing down enough to rest.  I went to bed exhausted last night and slept hard for a few hours before waking up during the night.  The few hours rest was enough to get the mind running again, making a return to sleep difficult.  So, today began in the early morning hours with time spent praying and doing some writing.  As I did so I found tears running down my cheeks, which for some reason my brain wiring doesn’t allow to happen very often.  The sorrow of the week had built up to the point it was finally leaking out.  Eventually my prayer time had restored a peace that allowed a return to sleep.  Another few hours of deep sleep found me awake again for some more prayer and writing before I was able to go back to sleep.  This time brought me to a point of “sleeping in” before I finally got up and Susan and I headed to the zoo for our Saturday morning daddy/daughter date.  As we walked through the zoo, I found my eyes again filling with tears as I thought about the incredible privilege of being with my daughter.

After our zoo trip we stopped by the office so I could pick up a file off my computer to finish up some writing I had promised to have done by the end of this week.  It was a seven day devotional on serving with integrity and I still had two and a half days to finish writing in it.  Once home I finished the writing and was able to send the week’s devotions off to the person wanting to use them.  Then it was time to fire up the pellet grill to make our weekly mushroom bacon cheeseburgers for lunch.  After lunch a some time spent just relaxing, we headed out to take some pictures at Bonneyville Mill County Park in Bristol, Indiana.  It was such a relaxing and peaceful time to walk a little and enjoy the beauty of the park.  The reflection of the mill and surrounding buildings in the ponds and the gentle sounds of the small waterfalls were a reminder of the peace that only God can restore.  The park visit was followed up with ice cream and a Sam’s Club visit before coming home to work on getting next week’s prayer guide formatted and scheduled to go out first thing in the morning.

As I thought about the day, the song, “It Is Well With My Soul”, once again filled my mind.  It can be easy, and even expected, to feel it is well with my soul when peace flows like a river in my life.  The tough part is knowing and remembering that it can still be well with my soul even when “sorrows like sea billows roll”.  It is on days like today that God draws me to Himself and reminds me that He is the only One who can make it well with my soul in all circumstances.  As I mentioned during the funeral message yesterday, the greatest part of that entire song for me is the final verse that serves as a reminder that in Christ it will be well with my soul when the “trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend”.  When I stopped at the church for the files I needed, I noticed that my end of the week cleaning still needed done so I’ll close today’s page and try to get some sleep so I can go in early tomorrow to take care of it before the church services.

I pray that you and I seek, know, and experience the peace of God in all circumstances.  I pray that we would make time to find restful spots where we can be reminded of the peace God desires for us to have.  I pray that our faithfulness to Jesus would allow us to be filled with peace when we meet Jesus face to face.

Page 197 is as difficult to write as it was to live.  The day began, at least in a technical sense, as I finished writing yesterday’s page at 1 AM this morning and then spent time in prayer finishing the funeral service message I would share today.  When I finally had the flow of words on paper that matched what I believed God would want me to say, I headed to bed to see if I could get some sleep before I needed to wake up. 🙂  While exhausted from the long day yesterday, the restlessness within me made sleep difficult to come by.  The sadness of my niece’s life on earth being cut short was mixed with a heartache of watching my brother and his family grieve such a loss.  Add to that the daunting task of finding words to share when there are no words that can completely take away the pain and sorrow.  Thus the need for me to rest in the presence of God for His wisdom and His words was much more important and useful than a little sleep would be.  

The sleep finally came and it seemed like a moment later I woke up to begin the day with great fear and trepidation regarding the task ahead.  It was then that I remembered a verse that I have seen throughout Breanna’s timeline, posted by her on the timelines of her friends, and imprinted on a blanket displayed during the funeral visitation — “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”  (Philippians 4:13)  For Bre, this wasn’t simply a nice verse to post on social media or to share with others, it was a verse she chose to believe and live.  She accomplished great things and experienced grand adventures because she believed that nothing within the will of God was impossible.  And so, as I prepared for a day of great difficulty, it was the subject of my funeral message that reminded me of the source of the courage I needed in order to accomplish the task that was set before me.  

After adding a reference to the Philippians passage to the funeral message, I headed to the church so I could be there early to make sure the details of the service were taken care of and that each person participating was aware of the things they needed to know.  The rest of the day was kind of a blur as my  mind shifted into ministry focus and relied fully on the strength I have in Christ to accomplish what needed done.  Even in the blur, as I think about the day, I realize how God encouraged me in the midst of the service even as I pray He was using me to encourage others.  After doing the initial planning of the service late Wednesday afternoon, I ended up getting a message yesterday morning that a young man from the Purdue Varsity Glee Club was interested in putting together a quartet from the group to come and sing during the service.  As the communication went back and forth and the offer approved by the family, a list of potential songs was sent to the family and two songs were chosen to be sung.  In the list, and chosen by the family, was my favorite hymn, “It Is Well With My Soul”.  And there it was, in the middle of the service, at a time when I needed a reminder that I could do all things through Christ who gives me strength; a beautiful gift from God in the form of a well-sung song that ministered to me specifically as I attempted to minister to the family and friends who had gathered.

As God carried me through the rest of the day, I could feel the energy in me completely being drained as I sat at lunch following the graveside service.  God had given me enough to accomplish what needed done and now he was telling me it was time to rest.  Once I got home, I took a brief nap and then went to take a photo off my iPad that I had taken of all the flowers lined up across the front of the church.  I don’t take a lot of photos with my iPad, but as I downloaded the photo from the church, there was also a photo I had taken earlier this year of the sun rising over the Smoky Mountains.  As soon as I saw it, I thought of Breanna now living “high upon the mountain” where she is dancing in heaven with great joy.

I pray that you and I would not simply use scripture as great sayings, but that we would let it sink deep within our lives and live it on a daily basis.  I pray for those reeling from the pain of loss.  I pray that we would know the power of God that can accomplish everything according to His will.  I pray that we would relish in the beautiful reminders that God gives us of His presence and love.

Page 196 was a stretched out day that seemed like it would never end.  Given that I’m writing this page an hour after the technical end of day 196 of this year, perhaps the day really didn’t want to end. 🙂  The day followed a continual wrestling with what God would have me do today to serve and minister and also what He would have me share tomorrow.  Once I made it up this morning, I headed down to Plymouth to spend time praying and listening in the auditorium where the funeral visitation and service would be held.  I made it to the church around 9:30 and spent the rest of the morning praying and listening to God leading up to the family’s arrival at 2:00.  Part of the time was prayer-walking the auditorium and praying at each pew for the people who would be seated there.  I spent time on the platform praying about the words God would want me to share and praying for the others that will have a part in Friday’s service.  I knew it was going to be a long day filled with a wide variety of people and emotions as I prayed for my brother and his family.

Once the visitation began, I spent the day praying and looking for opportunities to comfort and connect with individuals.  Occasionally, I would notice something, hear something, or be nudged by God’s Spirit about something to write down in the notebook I carried.  By early evening, a clearer plan was coming together for both the order of the funeral service and what I should say at it.  The people were lined up all afternoon and evening with an estimated 1600+ people coming through to pay their respects and say “so long”.  After covering the “clarified” service order with the family and getting their approval, I finally headed home around 10:00 PM.  When I got home, I fixed something to eat, checked messages, and then settled down to write today’s page.  As I thought about a photo to be a part of page 196, I chose this bird that I took yesterday.  He was a tiny thing but was noticeable everywhere he went.  His coloring and his song not only made him attractive, they made him almost impossible to hide.  

This picture reminded me of my niece and the way she lived her faith out loud for everyone to see and hear.  She was so captured by God’s love in her life that there was nothing that seemed able to keep her faith from being noticed by the people around her.  When the Bible refers to Christians as peculiar people, God is not specifically talking about being weird.  He refers to us as a peculiar people because we ought to be different  and stand out from the world in which we live.  Breanna lived a full life in the world but she lived it in a way that the world would likely call peculiar.  God’s desire for each of us is that we would live for Christ in a way that our light shines for Jesus and people glorify God because of our good works.

I pray that you and I would not be satisfied with the stats quo, but that we would seek to live our faith out loud for everyone to see.  I pray that we would look around us to see  how we can be a comfort to those who mourn.  I pray that we would lift up Jesus in everything we say and do.

Page 195 began early as my mind is full and my heart is heavy, making sleep a bit restless.  After taking care of some things in the office and making some phone calls to arrange some meetings, I headed up to camp to walk and pray.  While I did pray for the camp and the high school camp session going on, much of my prayer time today was for my brother and his family and listening for wisdom in how to minister to people through their tragedy.  After my prayer time at the camp, I made my way to my brother’s house to listen as I sat with the family and worked on some of the details for his daughter’s funeral.  After spending time with the family, I came home and spent even more time listening to God for wisdom in how to honor Him and my niece in what He would have me share.  With a weary mind and body, I found myself napping before getting up to write today’s page.

As I thought about today, the photo of the curly slide at camp seemed to fit.  I took the photo this morning as I was praying for the campers that were gathered across the way and I was thinking about the many twists and turns that they have had in life, and the many more they will likely have.  While we may wish and pray for a life that is smooth sailing and always takes a straight path to where we are going, I think we all know life doesn’t happen that way.  There are twists and turns of our doing that we add for fun, excitement, or simple variety.  Then there are other twists and turns that we don’t seek and never see coming that add danger, heartache, and sorrow.  The thing with the curly slide is that despite the twists and turns, you always come out at the same place.  I learned early in my childhood that the secret to taming the twists and turns of the slide is to hold on to the center pole as you go.  Holding on doesn’t remove the twists and turns, but at least for me, it removed the fear of them.  I’ve been to water parks where they would have multiple water slides that would twist and turn as they were interwoven with each other.  Even with those, your destination wasn’t determined by the twists and turns, rather by which slide you chose to be on.  Our eternal destination isn’t determined by the twists and turns or even how we handle them, it is determined by our decision to choose wisely in living this life with Jesus at the center.  When we hold on to Him, the twists and turns of life still come, but the fear of them can be removed as we trust Him to be with us all the way to our destination.

I pray that you and I would look to God to help us comfort those who mourn.  I pray that we would choose Jesus as our starting point in all things and allow Him to carry us through to our destination.  I pray that we would hold fast to Jesus as the center of all things as we ride out the twists and turns of life.

Page 194 has been a long day with over 12 hours at work without even taking a lunch break.  I began the day checking messages and going through more of the comments about my niece on social media as I continue to pray about what God would have me to share during her funeral service.  Most of the day could best be described as multi-tasking.  Several of the classroom floors in the building were ready to put down finish so I began the process of applying four layers of finish throughout the day.  Each layer gets mopped on and then needs to dry for an hour before the next coat can be applied.  By doing three different rooms, it wasn’t a long wait after finishing a coat on the last room before I could start the next coat on the first room.

As I worked,my mind was on a lot of different things that kept me praying throughout the day.  As I mopped on finish and prayed, I thought about the workshops I will lead later this month at a national student conference.  One of the workshops is about developing a lifestyle of prayer in the real world.  I’m not sure I could find a more fitting example of what the workshop will be about than my praying while laying down wax and thinking through what God would have me share at the funeral later this week.  A lifestyle of prayer in the real world means that prayer becomes a way of life no matter what you’re doing.

As I worked on the floor waxing project, I was expecting a call to confirm a time for delivery of a new playground piece for the preschool.  When I finally finished the floor work, I still hadn’t heard about the delivery.  When I checked the tracking number, it said it was out for a scheduled delivery between 10:00 AM and 4:00 PM — never mind that it was currently 4:30 PM  🙂  I had enough work to do in the office that I decided I would wait until at least 5 before giving up on it coming today.  I hadn’t any more than sat down to begin writing than the semi truck pulled up with the playground climber in boxes.  As the driver backed the truck around to unload, the sky seemed to open up and poured out an immense amount of rain.  We waited out the short-lived rain before unloading the boxes just in time for another brief shower.  With the boxes wet it didn’t seem wise to leave the pieces out where someone might decide they would be easy to pick up, so I began the assembly process.  I should probably have looked in the instructions to see if they gave a time estimate for assembly, but I got it done in about two hours.  Most of the assembly went very well except for two different steps that didn’t line up easily.  With a little extra effort it all went together and since I hadn’t taken any photos during the day, a photo of the finished product on the playground becomes the photo for today’s page.

Life seems to be a lot like that climber assembly.  Some parts go smoothly and as expected, but many more have issues that require more work and effort than what we likely anticipated.  It seems like many times we are more likely to persevere and keep working at it when it’s a physical project than when it involves our relationship with God and people.  While the reward of completing a project such as putting together a play set is great, the reward that awaits us when we complete a life of faithfulness to God is beyond even our wildest imagination.  Life gets difficult.  Jesus warned us that we would have trouble in this world.  He also reminded us that He has overcome this world.

I pray that you and I would make a lifestyle of prayer a part of our daily lives.  I pray that we would run with endurance the race set before us.  I pray that we would persevere through the difficult times of life as we anticipate the reward of a life finished in Christ.

Page 193 was a Monday with some elements of routine in the midst of a lot of unknown.  I began the day with an amazement at how God is using the poem He gave me yesterday  Throughout the day, I kept reading and hearing about how the words He gave me are impacting people and expressing the things they didn’t know how to put into words.  I began the workday talking to my brother to let him know I was praying for he and his family and to see if they had any needs that I could help with.  The pain and sorrow at the loss of his daughter is widespread as her life touched a multitude of people, but no where does it cut as sharply as it does within her family.  Breanna’s life of faith gives us all reason to grieve with much hope — but still we grieve.  Details are still being finalized, but my brother wants me to have some role in helping to share God’s comfort and hope as family and friends gather later this week to celebrate and remember her life.

After talking with my brother, I settled into the routine part of the day — spending time with God to write the prayer guide for next week.  I decided to go with a focus on some characteristics of wisdom that comes from heaven as described in James.  It seems our society has become very good at promoting the gathering of information and knowledge while seeming to ignore our need for godly wisdom.  God says that the wisdom which comes down from heaven is first of all pure.  How often do we rely on human wisdom knowing full well that it lacks a purity that would lead to godly decisions.  When we lead with our own wisdom, we often find ourselves so focused on our own agenda that we keep making excuses and justifying actions that lack integrity.  We become so focused on accomplishing a course of action that we spend our time building toward our own goals without paying attention to the foundation of godly wisdom.  A house built on the sandy foundation of human wisdom is destined to crumble under our very feet.

Once the prayer guide was written, I spent some time working on the next 7-day study in the “Devotions For Those Who Serve” series.  The topic I was writing about today was serving with integrity.  When we are men and women of our word because we carefully guard the words we use, those around us come to know us as people of integrity.  Too often however, we say things and make promises that we either can’t or choose not to keep because doing so would be difficult.  The more we do that, the more our integrity slowly dissolves away until there is none left and no one believes a thing we say.

By early afternoon I needed a break from writing so I went to lunch then headed down to visit my brother’s family and my parents.  As we shared together about Breanna’s life and the impact she had packed into it, I was humbled by how full she had lived life.  Even in death, her life continues to reach out and touch multitudes.  It can do that, because while her life on this earth has ended, her life with Christ has continued in even greater glory than any of us can imagine.  She has heard those words, “Well done, good and faithful servant!  Enter into your Master’s happiness!”

I pray that you and I would seek the wisdom which comes from heaven in all we do.  I pray that we would live lives full of integrity by the power of God’s Spirit within us.  I pray that we would renounce our human wisdom, especially when it is in conflict with godly wisdom.  I pray that we would live life to the full each day that God gives us.