2017: Page 298

Page 298 began as another cold and dreary day, both with the weather outside and with the weather in my mind.  I know that there is a connection between the two areas, and that knowledge helps me to keep pressing on knowing that “this too shall pass”.  The weather that plays a part in wreaking havoc in my mind seems to also mess with the brain wiring of my daughter as she began the day with a seizure.  When I arrived at work, it was a relief to walk into a building that felt comfortable — that was a good sign that the heating systems made it through the first night of the season.

I began the workday by checking the boilers and looking for any signs of leaks that I may not have noticed yesterday.  Everything seemed to be in good shape, so I turned my attention to the morning prayer, cleaning, and building prep routine.  With just over a week until the Growing Strong retreat in northwest Ohio, much of my prayer time focused on that.  The interest expressed in it is more than enough to fill the available space, but so far the actual registrations and commitments haven’t arrived.  I know God’s got this and if I don’t take it out of His hands it will look just like He wants it to, but it is good to keep reminding myself of that fact.

Once the building was ready for the day, I took care of some messages and correspondence then turned my attention to working on the seeds of a sermon for next month.  As I worked, I would keep noticing movement in the brush outside my office window.  I finally caught a glimpse of a bird so fast and tiny I at first thought it was a hummingbird that chose not to head south for the winter.  I eventually saw it more clearly and could tell it wasn’t a hummingbird but it never sat still long enough for me to identify it.  It also wasn’t still enough to photograph, but I did get a shot of the berries that seemed to be attracting the bird to the brush.

By early afternoon my mind was on overload so I made the rounds to check on the heating system before heading home for a late lunch.  After lunch I spent the remainder of the afternoon relaxing before a new poem overtook my mind.  I’ve learned over the years that the best thing to do when that happens is to type it out and share it so that it doesn’t take up residence and clog up my thinking even further.  “The Ark of God’s Presence” is a reminder to me that the waves of despair are not nearly as frightening when I’m riding those waves within the ark of God’s loving presence rather than out in them on my own.  As I wrap up the day, my mind is once again getting blurry and Susan is having some light seizure activity so it is probably time to finish up the writing, take my meds, and get some sleep.

As I reflect on the day, here are some thoughts/lessons that stand out to me:

  • I’m not very good at pretending, and personally I think that is okay.
  • Being positive, or having a positive attitude, shouldn’t mean that a person has to be fake.  Sometimes being real about struggles gives a greater witness to the positive power of God.
  • Whatever happens here on earth — good or bad — while having an influence on our life, will eventually pass away.  The only things that lasts are the things of God’s kingdom.
  • It can be difficult to empty myself of my own desires and trust God to do what’s best, but it is even more difficult to pursue my way if it is in opposition to God’s way.
  • Sometimes God reveals His presence in visible ways and other times He moves so quickly that the only purpose is to draw my attention to the things He is moving through.
  • When a poem shows up in my mind, I have two choices — either type it out and share it or let it set in my mind and clog up my thoughts.  I’m pretty sure God puts them there to be shared rather than to become a clog. 🙂

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