While page 161 has been a decent enough day, it is a tough one to mentally process and write about. That means this could either be a very short written page, or a very long one. 🙂 I had been praying all week about whether I should attend a prayer breakfast at the camp this morning. For a person leading a prayer ministry, it probably seems a little strange that the decision would be that difficult. But it was. This is a place that I served on staff at for nearly 5 years before finally walking away 3 years ago, completely worn out and disillusioned, doubting that I had accomplished anything of lasting value during my time there. For 3 years I have avoided a return to the property because the hurt I had felt continued to overshadow and obliterate the good memories from the years serving at the camp prior to being on staff. When I saw the information about the prayer breakfast, I think I knew right away that God was calling me to return and begin to find peace, but I still wrestled in prayer with Him about it because I wasn’t sure I wanted to go. When I got up this morning and left the house, I still wasn’t even sure if I was headed to camp or to work. Less than a mile from home, the decision was made and I got on the bypass and headed north instead of going under it and on to work.
While I drove onto the property with a nervousness and a great deal of uncertainty, the breakfast part was short and I was soon out prayer-walking the property and discovering the peace of God’s presence with me. I walked the perimeter of the property, as much as possible, and prayed as I walked. I stopped many times to simply pray for the things, based on my experience, that I suspected would take place at various spots throughout the summer. I prayed at the staff residences and at the empty cabins, which in a few days will be filled with campers and faculty. I spent time praying at the playground, which the moving of it to its current location was the final project I worked on 3 years ago. I ended up spending the entire morning there — a little bit of it in conversations with camp staff, but most of it in conversation with God.
Once I finished up my prayer time at the camp, I headed to my office for a few hours in the afternoon to take care of some work related to the building, maintenance projects, and the missions ministry of the church. When I came home late in the afternoon, I fired up the pellet grill and put some chicken on to cook for supper. As I got the grill out, I began to realize some of the healing that my prayer time at camp had begun. I have a shelving unit in the middle of my garage that, along with other storage shelves, have sat virtually untouched since I put them there after leaving the camp staff. There have been a few times over the years that I have looked at it and wondered where to begin, but tonight the peace God had given me this morning allowed me to actually begin going through the items, bags, and boxes on the shelves to find each thing a more appropriate home — including some that found that home in the trash. While I didn’t get through everything on the shelves, I worked on it throughout the entire time the chicken was cooking and made good progress without feeling emotionally drained. While the day will soon come to an end, I have a feeling that this page will be continued onto other pages as the year continues.
I pray that you and I would be willing to follow God’s direction, even if it means wrestling in prayer until we are willing to submit to Him. I pray that we would understand that some things take time and that God’s timing is often not the same as our timing. I pray that we would continue to seek peace with God and man and do everything in our ability to live at peace with everyone. I pray that we would take each day’s progress that God makes in our lives and build upon them for the benefit of His kingdom.